starmeme yang
by ghost of future pain
Summary: Side B to DeprivedInsanity's Memestar Ruby featuring Yang. SI Yang and Ruby. Watch out canon, Yang is coming for you.
1. Chapter 1

_Writing a companion piece to deprived insanity's Memestar Ruby._

"What does cthulu have to do with anything?" talking

 **Oops I forgot no one else can read minds** thinking

_++Chapter 1: So It Begins++_

This story begins in a very cold January."Fuck this white bullshit!" said our very Canadian protagonist. "eh." She added as an afterthought. "can't tell where the fuckin sidewalk ends keep fuckin fallin to my knees in got damn bullshit fuck me sideways but god forbid you shovel your got damn walks so people can-"In a horribly foreshadowed moment, a car peeled around the corner and hit them full speed, throwing them ten feet into a snow bank. They might have lived, except for the layer of ice on top,which snapped their neck on impact and killed them instantly.

Fate saw how poorly written their death was and said, "this is only getting a c+, try to be more… creative."

So destiny glared , "I'll show you creative you fucking bitch."

-+-+-+-her pov-+-+-+-

 **Jesusfuckingchristonabicyclewhatthefuckowowowowowowow**

"Healthy pair of lungs on her at least"

 **Fucki HELP ME you useless twat!** She tried to repeat her thoughts outloud but all that came out was more screaming. She unscrunched her face enough to open one eye, ready to death glare whoever this psycopath watching her scream after being hit by a car was.

 **Holyshitfuckgiantface** was all she thought before she passed out from lack of oxygen.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The ruby-oning  
"who said anything about cthulu? hehe" talking  
 **Quick look for an exit!** thinking

_+_+Chapter 2: The Ruby-oning_+_+

Appparently she was a baby, and her name was Yang, even though she was a girl.  
 **Fuckit, Yang it is.** Thought Yang in determination as she wiggled in pointless baby movements. **I can't walk or talk, but I'm gonna be the yangiest yang to ever yang, dammit.**  
A huge black haired person with red eyes suddenly loomed over her, "How's my hunter doing!"  
"Uuuuuh!" She called, wiggling more ferociously so that she could get of the godsforsaken crib.  
The vampire laughed and smiled down at her, reaching into the crib to pick her up. "Say Mama!"  
"Muuuh! Muuuh!" Yang obligingly cooed, pleased to be out of her prison.  
"Maaa Maa." Repeated Raven  
"Muuh aa Muuuh aaa?"  
"Maa maa"  
"Muuh aaa Maa"  
"Maa Maa"  
"Maa maa"  
Raven laughed and spun around in a circle, "That's my smart girl! Now say Daaa Daa!"  
"Daaa Daaa!"  
"Ok, now play nicely!" The dark haired woman smiled and placed her on the carpeted floor. "You have to grow up to be a big strong hunter like your mama right?"  
"Uuuh!" Yang agreed, more than sick of the whole baby thing.  
Raven left the room and closed the door behind her. Yang set about wiggling as much as possible, desperate to gain some sort of mobility asap. She eventually managed to roll over onto her belly.  
 **Right, now I just have to get UP!** She tried to push her arms and legs underneath her, but fell back onto her belly **UP!** again **UP!** and again **UP!** she continued failing to get into a crawling position **UP!**  
 **Godsfuckingdammit why is this godsdamn hard jesus christ on a mother fucking bicycle.**  
She gave up in exhaustion, laying back on her stomach, her face pressed into the carpet. After a couple of minutes of lying there regretting everything, she decided to try again  
 **UP!** fail **UP!** fail **UP!** fail **UP!** Another fail, this time she fell hard back into the carpet smushing her nose painfully.  
"Aaaaaaaah!" **FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!** she cried.  
The door slammed open only a couple seconds after she started crying, a giant blonde surfer dude standing in the doorway, "YANG!"  
He ran in and scooped her off of the carpet cuddling her close to his chest and making soothing noises.  
"It's okay sweetie you're fine daddy's got you."  
The vampire appeared in the doorway behind him, "She's fine Tai, she's a strong little hunter,"  
"She's a baby! She could have hurt herself, or died!" Taiyang hissed angrily.  
"She's the daughter of two powerful hunters, I think she can handle bumping her nose!" Raven glared at him.  
"That doesn't matter! She's a baby!" He shouted.  
"Aaaaaah!" Yang added her two cents. **Yeah I coulda fucking died mom! Again!**  
"Shhh-shhh-shhhhh, Sorry baby you're okay you're okay" Taiyang patted her back gently.  
"It won't do her any good to coddle her like that, you're making her soft!" Raven warned, turning to leave the nursery.  
Taiyang sputtered angrily, "Coddle? She's barely 7 months old!" He carefully put Yang back in the crib, tucking a soft blanket around her and pushing a stuffed monster into her grabby hands.  
"Nuuuuuuuh!" Yang growled from her prison **Let me go back to the carpet I promise i won't cry again!**  
"She's old enough to understand that if she cries, you drop everything and run over to baby her!" Raven snarled from where she stood against the doorway.  
Taiayang marched up to her and grabbed her arm, pushing her out of the room, "That's because she _is_ a baby!" He closed the door roughly behind them.  
Yang huffed and wriggled her way onto her belly, annoyed at being left back in the crib. She managed to use the bars to pull herself upright. **Let me out of heeeere This is inhuuuumaaaane** "Nuuuuuuuuuuh!"  
She could her their muffled shouting getting louder behind the closed door.  
"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!" **Just let me oooouuuuuuut I neeeed to be freeeeee This is against the Geneva Convention Dammit!**  
The voices continued shouting for long enough that Yang sat down and started banging the monster plushie against the bars. **Eventually I'll get through these fucking bars, and I'll never be trapped again**.  
Suddenly a door slammed, startling her into throwing the stuffy at the door. The house was dead silent.  
 **Sheeeeeiiit did I just lose a parent?** Yang frowned at the door, and then her stuffed animal on the floor. **Fuck how am I supposed to escape now?**  
A couple minutes later, Taiyang opened the door again his face blotchy and red. He stepped on the wolf monster, which let out a wheezy squeak noise like a dying animal. He picked it up and walked over to her "Oh, Yang, did you get lonely?"  
"Daaaa Daaaa!" She called, reaching out to him.  
He choked a little and lifted her out of the crib, "Daddy's here, don't worry."  
"Uuuuh!" **Freeeeedom!**  
"Daddy's not going anywhere."

_=-+-=_=-+-=_  
"Yang! Guess what you're getting for Christmas!" exclaimed Summer.  
 **A Puppy!? A Dinosaur?! A LAZERSWORD?!** was what Yang thought, but what she said was "What! What!"  
"Guess!"  
A shudder ran down Yang's spine, like she had been dunked in a bucket of ice watrer. Which she hadn't, there was no ALS Ice Bucket challenge in this world. And if there was, Yang was sure as hell not participating.  
Fuck  
That  
Noise.  
"Puppy?" she asked aloud.  
Summer giggled, "Even better!"  
The cold sensation worsened, yang's heart dropping into her stomach. Sweat appeared on her brow and time seemed to slow as Summer spoke.

"A little sister!"

 **what.**

-_++_==_++_-  
16 years later

_===_-_===_-_  
Yang shoved her bag higher onto her shoulder, her bracelets jangling quietly on her wrist. She and Ruby were supposed to be buying last minute supplies for school, Since Ruby insisted on coming with. Apparently she wanted to make sure that the supplies were actually supplies instead of cute clothes.  
 **Like I would do that. I 'm getting supplies and clothes! I have to since sooomeooone managed to set my shit on fire. AGAIN. Damn brat. I'm looking forward to a year away from her fucking bad luck buuuuullshit.**  
"Ruby-bee! Come check these sick ass boots, they're like totes awesome-sauce! You'll like, totes love them, y'know?"  
Yang looked around, expecting to see Ruby's pained expression at her word choice, but was instead greeted with the confused and mildly horrifed gazes of the other shoppers.  
She pouted, "Damnnit! Now where'd the little brat get off to?" She threw her hair over her shoulder, sending glitter sparkling through the air, and bounced out of the store.

"Ruby-bee! Rubagoob! Rutabaga! Rasputin! Racoon-face!" Yang called, walking through the street. It was starting to get kind of dark.  
 **What the fuck did she get herself into now?**  
She kept walking, her pout deepening. "Rubyglooom! Rooniiee! Rooomba! Rodneeey! Robooot! Where are you Ranmaaaaaa!"  
The moon started to rise on the horizon, and Yang felt a shudder down her spine.  
"Fuck nuts."  
She turned just in time to see Ruby's silhouette appear on a rooftop next to that of Glynda Goodwitch. One of her future teachers.  
Who was talking to Ruby.  
To Ruby.  
"GAWDDAMMIT YOU FUCKTARD!" Yang couldn't help but yell. "YOU BETTER NOT GET ME EXPELLED BEFORE I GODDAMN START!"  
She huffed and snapped her shades back down. "Fuck this shit I'm outtie."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: stalkers anonymous

"Do you have something you want to tell us?" Talking

 **Too bad we're on the fourth floor because the window is right there** Thinking

_/|\\_-_/|\\_-_/|\\_

Yang huffed silently as she carefully followed behind Glynda Goodwitch. Stalking her idol and futrure teacher wasn't half as fun as she thought it would be.

Probably because said idol was dragging her dumbass little sister around by the ear.

 **Dun, dun, dun duh-duh dun, dun, dun, didooo di-di-dooo** Yang hummed a little as she crept along behind them, eyes focused on that delicious re- on her stupid midget-y sister's struggling form. Their little procession was drawing some eyes of late=-night passers-by, but thankfully no one actually thought to say something. Perhaps because of Glynda's bad ass reputation.

 **Or they're hypnotized by-** "Fuck's sake!" Yang blurted out as their destination became clear.

A police station.

Yang ducked into a side alley to think. Despite being right next to the freaking cop shop, there was graffitti on the wall.

 **Think, think,think.** She punctuated her thoughts by banging her head against the wall. **How to get my dorky little brat out of jail.**

 **...**

 **Ewww!** She quickly pulled away from the wall and ran her fingers through her hair, dislodging a cloud of glitter. **I can't believe I just fucking touched that wall.** Yang peered around the corner, carefully not touching the wall.

 **Maybe... I could throw a bomb?** She patted her hips, **No bombs. Uhhhhhhh... I could... fuckin... shit.**

Sighing she looked around for inspiration. There was a group of normal people staring at her like she was crazy, a dog peeing on a sleeping bum, and a garbage can. **Can I use those items to Macguyver my way into the police station?**

"Maybe.. If I cause a big loud scene, and then the crazy rude staring people continued to be rude assholes and stare at me?" She murmured, staring back at the small crowd.

A couple of people looked sheepishly around as it dispersed.

"Ok real plan. I'll... uh... nope. I am not Macguyver." She grimaced and turned back to the alley. "But maybe I'm Tom Cruise..."

Yang wandered down the alleyway, looking for a roof access. **Man, these people are fuuuuucked if there's a fire. No one's gettin outta this building alive.** She snickered a bit as she came to the end of the alley.

Ten minutes of wandering through various alleys surrounding the police station finally netted her a way up.

 **Heeyyy! These peeps get to live!** She scampered up to the fire escape.

 **... I... can't reach it...** Glaring up at the ladder only inches from her fingertips was not helping. She caught something moving in her peripheral vision and turned towards it.

"Uhh, you okay there?" Some random tall guy asked her from the mouth of the alley.

"Oh, shit, um yeah. No I locked myself out like a dumbass, and my dickhead neighbours are all asleep. So the only way in is through my window, but I can't reach the fuckin ladder, ya know?" **Please buy it, please buy it!**

"Oh, here, let me get that for you!" Smiling tall guy rtotally bought it, and pulled down the fire escape.

Yang bounced on the spot for effect, "Thanks dude! You're the best!" And threw her arms around him and squeezed.

 **Yang used cute look! It was super effective! Tall guy was paralyzed!** She grinned and waved at him as she clambered up the ladder, giggling a little at the dazed look on his face as he confusedly waved back.

 **Roof access achieved!** Yang thought, throwing a peace sign out to the aliens and or government agencies watching. "Now where the fuck is the police station again?" She wondered aloud, slowly turning in a circle. "Righ behind me. Of course. Now all I need to do is get onto the roof, sneak in through the vents, break Roobs out, and create a new identity as a reclusive jewellery maker and her young sister who plays the flute for woodland creatures. Perfect."

Unfortunately for her dreams of a solitary life selling handcrafted glass beads, Ruby chose that moment to walk out of the police station.

 **Nooooooo my dreeeeeeaaaaaamsssssss...** Yang pouted as she watched Ruby stuffed a handful of pens into her pockets. **I'm so stealing all of her pens for ruining my dreams**.

By the time she made it down from the roof, tall guy was gone and Ruby was all the way at the end of the street. 

**"** Well, I'm not fucking running to catch up. Fuck that."

-_/|\\_-_/|\\_-

"What's it like to walk home by yourself in the middle of the night?" Ruby asked as she entered their den of evil.

Yang leaned in close enough to breathe creepily on her sisters neck, "Is it really alone if you're being stalked?"

She giggled as Ruby squeaked like a mouse on helium and jumped a foot in the air. It kinda sounded like "She zoos fak!"

Grinning evilly, she held up a bag of doritos she'd snagged from avending machine earlier. "Hiii~" **'Don't say it, you can resist.'** "Wanna cheeto?" **'Damn it.'**

Ruby's face contorted in irritation, her nose wrinkling like a cute kitten. An evil one.

"gib me one plz" The younger girl demanded, managing to pronounce the lack of capitalization or punctuation. "also don't fuckin scare me like that or i'll end up Bobby barrowsing you"

 **'The crap that comes out of her mouth... Is it even English?'** "L-O-L." Yang spelled out, purely due to how much it bothered her. "These cheetos taste like ass anyway."

Ruby's jaw dropped open in outrage, her eyes widening in fury. **'We both know you deserve this ten times over...'** Yang sent telepathically, dangling the doritos in front of her face both as a threat and a bribe. Ruby settled back on her heels and shoved her hand into the bag, drawing out a fistful of chips. "ah, cheers"

 **'Ewwwww, so gross...'** She looked away as Ruby shoved her entire fist into her mouth. By experience, she knew that if she had looked, it would be a terrifying spectacle of drool and cheese flavour dust. Eventually, Ruby finished her crime against humanity, "so how was the shopping my comrade?"

Yang looked back at her and shuddered in remembered horror at the dorito powder Ruby was wiping off her face. **'What a monster...'** "You're a whore. I can't believe you met Glynda,-" **'Time to kick it up a notch'** "-like, O-M-G, like, she's my fav prof, like, y'know!"

Ruby's face scrunched up in obvious pain, "She doesn't even teach you yet." She whined.

 **'Yess... feel the pain...'** "Like, totes, like, I know, but, like she's the best, like, teacher ever, y'know? Like, seriously, this is like, srs bsns, like, don't like, fuck it up." She turned to open the fridge, hiding her grin behind the door.

Inside, the internal light had been replaced with a mini disco ball style light and a tiny stereo taped to the top shelf behind the milk started to play. **'Should I...?' 'Do It'** Yang activated her semblance, replicating the shining lights inside the fridge to their living room and kitchen. She also turned the volume up enough for Ruby to hear.

"Fuck your existence hurts more than a bullet!"

She snorted, "L-O-L." She leaned into the fridge a little further and pulled a can of rootbeer off the middle shelf, then tucked the tiny stereo into her pocket before closing the door. "So ;ike, my dude, did you like, have fun, like, being a dick?" She asked, taking a sip of her rootbeer. Ruby being a dick to whoever she talked to was a given, the only thing that varied was if it was intentional and malicious, or just her sister's very unique and slightly condescending way of interacting with the world.

"Oh fuck yeah bud." definitely intentional then, "I got to flirt with Glynda and eat some cookies. Shit was lit."

 **'Great, now Glynda is gonna think we're both huge pervs... Not that she'll be wrong, but come on!'** Outwardly, she only shrugged, using her semblance to spew glittery lights everywhere. It annoyed the crap out of Ruby and also had the added bonus of making it look like tiny fairies or fireflies were floating around the room. "Whatever you say, braaaaah."

Ruby groaned loudly and flopped gracelessly onto the couch. "So sup with you fam? How's the wife and kids?"

It was obvious that her sister was exhausted and also planned to sleep on the couch tonight. Instead of in her bed, like a normal person.

"Fuckin', like, I don't know man, like fuckin' yeah." She mumbled pointlessly, doubting that Ruby was even paying attention. **'No fun torturing her if she's not gonna react to it..'** She pouted and walked over to the hallway, dropping the stereo on a handy shelf where she stored all her random crap. "Fuckin', need some,like, u, sleep, y'know?"

Yang used her semblance to pull all the lights with her into the hallway. As much as Ruby deserved to be pesterd with lights all night, she was even harder to deal with when she was sleep deprived.

"Turn off your gay shit first!" Ruby called from the living room.

Yang smirked, "Nevvaaaaaaaah!" and sent all her lights zooming to hover around Ruby's face, leaning back into the room to crank the volume on the stereo, then turning both off at the same time and sneaking back into the hallway. She could see Ruby rubbing furiously at her eyes.

"I will end you!" She shouted.

Yang shook her head and trecked back to her bedroom, calling out, "You deserve this!" She opened her door and flicked on the lights, stealing them for her power. She sent them down the hallway, tweaking the frequency to Ultraviolet before directing it to land right where she remembered Ruby being, decorating her like a zombie.

Ruby mumbled something out, but she wa salready closing the door. With a sigh she grabbed more light, holding it around her head like a halo and turned off the lights. Carefully maneuvering around her piles of crap, she flopped down onto the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Starmeme Yang Chapter 4: The King And His Men

 **They've blocked the exits... Thinking**

"Hey! Where do you think you're going!" Talking

_~~~_.o,O'(,*0*,)'O,o._~~~_

"Milk n cereal, milk n cereal, cereal n milk! cereal n milk!" Yang chanted to herself as she poured herself a bowl of Pumpkin Pete(tm).

As she grabbed the milk, a loud groaning noise emanated from the living room. "Howbow yew shuddafuckup!"

"hmm, should I be a considerate human being and tune it down?" SHe asked herself, tilting her head adorably and tapping her chin. She poured her milk, took a swig from the jug, and shoved it back in the fridge.

"MILK AND CEREAL! MILK AND CEREAL! CEREAL AND MILK! CEREAL AND MILK!" She grabbed her bowl and safely put it on , flashing lights all over the kitchen.

"YANG!"

"MILK! AND! CE! RE! AL! MILK! AND! CE! RE! AL!"

"DO YOU WANT TO DIE!?"

"CEREAAAAAAAL! AAAAAAAAAND! MIIIIIIIIIILK! CEREAAAAAAAL! AAAAAAAND! MIIIIIIIIIIIIILK!"

A shuffling noise made yang turn towards the livingroom, just in time to see an off white body pillow with a crudely drawn figure sail into the kitchen and slam into the microwave. The appliance skidded across the counter as the pillow rebounded and knocked over a chair. It wobbled at the very edge, straining at the end of its wire, then steadied.

. **...?** Yang stared for a second, then shrugged and picked Her chair up to enjoy a couple of bowls"Kerchow!"

The back of the chair gently hit the counter just as Ruby entered the kitchen, half her hair sticking straight up. Her eyes widened in horror, her mouth forming a perfect "O" of despair.

KEEERUNCH!

 **...** Yang stared at the remains of the microwave on the floor.

"mu-mu-muh.." Ruby whimpered.

"Whoops."

"Miiiicrowaaaaave..."

-~~-(*o*)-~~-

Eventually her sister quit mourning the microwave and managed to reheat some pasta in a pot without setting everything on fire.

 **I'm almost proud of how functional she is today.** Yang giggled quietly at the thought as Ruby took the opportunity to face plant into her pasta and scream.

"MMMMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA"

 **You're like such a psycho gremlin, L-O-L** Yang taunted her sister. **Wait, fuck, that was inside my head** , "Like, why are you, like, screaming?"

She giggled to herself some more as she watched Ruby choke and cough out bits of pasta, sauce smeared all over her face and in her hair. "...juts expressing my hatred of your existence you fucking living seizure" Ruby finally answered with a smug look on her face utterly ruined by the chunk of tomato stuck to her chin.

 **So ruuuuuuuuude...** "why do you like. have to like, be like that?" Yang sneered, **Sufffeerrrrrrr**

"because ,my only sister tries her best to make my lied a living fucking nightmare"

Yang was just amount to bring up the Incident with the chicken and the water bottle and that one restaurant when their phones both rang.

*Do do powah rainjahs!*

*screeching and slapping noises*

"well well well look at that, a reason to not talk to you" Ruby mocked as she opened her phone.

"ur grammer sux L-O-L" yang muttered as she opened her own phone, jamming a finger into her other ear.

"Mellow yellow, you've reached the Xiaolong Banana Stand and Money Laundering Service! How can we satisfy your phallic fruit and dubiously legal banking needs?"

~"...Is... Is this Yang Xioalong?"~

"Only if you're not a cop!"

~"No, this is Beacon Academy-"~

"oh shit! what up brah! How's skizoool?"

~"I, uh, Miss Xiaolong I'm just calling to inform you that the bullheads to beacon launch in an hour."`

"Look buddy, I dunno what kinda rp shit you're into, I don't wanna hear about you're 'bullheads' or what they'll be doing in an hour. I'm Seventeen you perv, don't make me call Chris Hanson on yo ass!"

~"Wha-no! The ships to take you to Beacon!"~

"Oh fuck, yeah I forgot. when do the shippy things go?"

~"In an hour!"~

"One hour, gotcha... Where's the dropsite for the special K again?"

"~"Arrrgh!"~ *clackety-clack-clack-click*

"ruuuuuuuuuuude" Yang drawled out, turning to see if ruby was done on the phone. "like, who was, like, that?"

"A person fuck off" Ruby glared.

Yang shrugged and went to go get ready to go to Beacon, putting the phone sex guy out of her mind. **There's always money in the banana stand...**

_^(*/-\\*) }

Despite being only an hour away from the shipyards, Ruby and Yang only barely made it on to the ship. This may or may not have been Ruby's fault.

*SPOILER ALERT* WARNUG IF U DOT WANT SPOILERS DONT REED THIS PART *SPOILER ALRET*

It totes was. That poor dog will never be the same...

*SPOILER ALTER* THIS IS THE END OF THE SPOILER GUYS U CAN REED NOW KK? *SPIDER ART*

As soon as they were safely on the ship, Yang abandoned her sister to a comfy chair and escaped the horrible tragedy well that was her sister's presence. **Who should I irritate next...**

Yang's eagle eye of justice! scanned around the ship. Unfortunately, it found nothing because eagles stand for freedom. "Oops! Wrong eye!" she cheerfully declared to a bunny girl beside her, who edged nervously away.

Yang's Crow eye of Mischief, however immediately caught the perfect victim.

Some dudebro douchebag Chad was sneering at everyone while also laughing in a particularly obnoxious way. **His hair shines with eeeevil...** She felt her lip curl up in reflexive disgust as the light caught on his gelled up brown hair.

 **Chads are highly aggressive ambush predators, that glide through social networks like a fish in water.**

Yang wandered over to the Chad, employing her foolproof method of catching Shads.

 **This here is a #Privilege Chad, and we're about to blow his operation wide open with our crack Chad baiting team.**

That is, existing in his general area and not paying any attention to him.

 **We're going to catch this Chad in his natural habitat, and use the situation to our advantage, turning millions of years of jock culture on it's head with cutting edge techniques.**

In this specific instance, she turned and leaned against the window next to him, peering out at the clouds.

 **Yang Xialong~**

Abruptly, an arm clad in gaudy tinfoil armor intercepted her vision. "Well hey there, where did a pretty little thing like you come from?"

 **This Random Chad~**

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see his Chadpack snorting and rooting him on.

 **Chadfriends~**

Truly, this Chad had no idea what he was in for..

 **Also Yang Xiaolong~**

 **And Yang Xiaolong~**

 **featuring special guest Yang Xialong!`**

 **(produced by Xiaolong Money Laundering Banana Stand Productions. There's always money in the banana Stand)**

Yang smirked internally, her outward appearance keeping a demure air, "Oh, um, I just came from Patch..."

 **Alright, this beauty of a Chad seems to have come for a closer look. I'm gonna see if I can get him to come a little bit closer..**

"Heh, I bet you need a strong city guy to show you around!"

 **These blokes have been catching Chad's for years so it all comes pretty easy.**

He slung his other arm around her shoulder, basically trapping her in the corner.

 **All we've gotta do is get the Crocodile- get the Chad hooked on the scent of an insecure female.**

"How about you and me go get some Mcronald's and get to know each other?"

 **Make sure he thinks he's the one in charge, set the hook and lead him away from his Chadpack.**

He smirked, leering grossly, and deliberately looked down her shirt.

 **Oh, he's a rowdy one, this guy! Look at him skeaze, that's one prime Chad we got here!**

"o-oh, um, " Yang stuttered, luring the Chad ever closer into her trap.

 **What we're gonna do is for the ultimate amount of entertainment, we're going to relocate this bloke up to where he'll be visible to the whole ship.**

She carefully stumbled backwards out from the trap of his arms. In the corner of her eye she spotted the perfect opportunity. A fellow Hunter-In-Training with a distinct greenish tinge to his face and his hands over his mouth, making a beeline to the trash can just beside her.

 **We take him out of his Chadpack's range, then beep beep beep, watch him flounder and make a fool of himself all on his own.**

"C'mon babe, I promise It'll be tons of fun!" he jeered, crowding back into her personal space.

 **C'mon babe just a few more steps...**

"A pretty girl like you doesn't have to worry about being a Hunter, I'll take care of you." He smirked.

 **CHAD MUST DIE.** Yang felt like a passenger in her own body, like she was watching a movie of herself moving. Her arm reached out and her hand curled into his collar. She jerked back and tugged him forward and down. In slow motion his face changed from its regular egotistical, puffed up, snobbish, arrogant expression to one of confusion and panic.

Yang watched as the student running for the garbage can tripped over her outstretched leg. His hands flew out to catch himself, releasing a splash of bile onto the Chad's hair. In almost the same moment, Yang's hand released the Chad, she stepped back again and used her semblance to flash yellow and violet lights in both the Chad and the innocent kid's faces.

She hopped back again, the kid's stomach hitting the Chad's shoulder, and the combination of impact and coloured lights making him lose his lunch all over the Chad's back. A cry of shock, disgust and laughter rang out from the crowd, and Yang carefully disappeared into it, still lightly simmering with rage.

As she watched the Chad turned to express his rage on the poor kid looking on with horror, and she snarled silently. A half second before he swung his fist, she popped a bright light in the Chad's eyes. Blondie dodged and ran off into the crowd as the Chad slipped in the vomit on the floor and landed back in the puddle.

 **We are satisssfied... Yessss...** Yang smirked and flounced away, leaving the laughing crowd behind.

-$u(k!T!3!t(#-

Half an hour later, Yang was still wandering the corridors in boredom, internally gloating over her revenge on Chad. Something twitched in the corner of her eye, and she stopped abruptly, shoving herself back behind the corner she had just passed.

 **What is it, precious? sss, what did we see?** She peered around the corner, spotting a crewman leaving one of the employee only areas. Her eyes widened with anticipation as the door gently slid to a halt an inch away from the automatically locking doorframe.

She cackled 'quietly' and snuck over to the door. Using her semblance like a flash light, she peered into the dark interior of the ship. The hallway appeared empty. Quick as said flash, she slipped inside and shut the door. Peering around for a convenient hiding place, she spotted the ultimate in camouflage technology.

 **Yes, ladies and gentlemen! We have found... A BOX!** Gleefully she dived towards the box, emptying the extraneous contents onto the floor. Carefully squeezing it over herself, she shuffled forward, her boots crunching on broken glass.

Pulling up a dim green light, she shuffled closer to the doorway at the end of the hall. A hard nudge with the corner of the box, and it slid open. Beyond, a dim hallway with several pipes and valves and spinny wheels from floor to ceiling. There were doors on either side, one labeled "Cockpit" and the other "Crew Quarters".

"heheh, cockpit." She shuffled up to the nearest spinny valve and considered it carefully. It was dull grey, with arrows indicating open and close. Throwing the box off to the side, she stood up and put both hands on the valve.

"Hyrrrrrrung!" She grunted, hauling the valve into the open position.

 **... Nothing?** With a shrug, Yang shoved all the valves to open. and threw herself back into the box.

After a few seconds, where she wished she had brought a book or something, a crewman came out into the hallway looking leaving the "Cockpit" door open.

"What the!? Who the fuck pulled this shit!? Goddamnit!" The crewman swore loudly, and began pushing the valves back into the right position.

Yang snickered quietly in her box and began shuffling down the hall towards the open door. She successfully squished herself through, denting the corner of her box.

Inside was a pair of fancy schmancy white leather chairs and a panel of shiny, shiny buttons.

 **Ooooooo...** She shuffled closer to the panel, hoping to get a better look. Her brain immediately plunged into a fantasy world.

 **This is your pilot Yang Xiaolong speaking, we're about to experience some turbulence as I push this motherfucker to it's limits! There's a whole murder of Nevermores the size of a fucking mountain outside, and those fuckers just challenged us to a race! Strap yourselves in, ladies and gents! We're in for a bumpy ride! Nyeeeer Nyooooom! And Yang Xiaolong has done it again! The world is saved, thanks to... THE POWER PUFF GIRLS! Aaaaaa Aaaaa Gold medals and free cereal for ever! Thank you Punkin Pete, I love you too! Of course I'll marry you...**

Yang was rudely ripped from her fantasy by a voice speaking up, "Hrmm? Tadija, did you find out what the fuck was wrong with the buoyancy?"

Yang froze, horror rooting her to the spot. **MISSION FAILED**

A white haired old man with an incredibly impressive moustache turned his kickass leather chair like a bond villain. His eyes scanned across the cockpit, before landing on her box. Before Yang could spring out and issue a non-lethal takedown of tossing him out the window, Tadija walked back in rubbing his arms.

"Some fucker pumped all the engines up! I bet it was that fucker Khasan, he was all pissy when I told him he had to wait for Cedomir to come back from break. Couldn't find the fucking slacker in the hall, and there was a bunch of broken shit all over the floor."

The majestic old pilot grunted, his glorious facial hair exponentially increasing the force of his scowl." Ten lien says he'll come back and say someone else broke it."

Tadija laughed bitterly, "Yeah, no bet."

"Any idea why there's a box of spare gyropasses in here?" The Moustache demanded genially.

The copilot shrugged, "Khasan probably snuck it in here while our backs were turned so he wouldn't have to be the one to put it in the Lazarette."

The Moustache contemplated the man's response, before conceding. "You're probably right. Suffice to say, even without the deliberate antagonism, abandoning his post means this will be his last voyage. On this or any ship."

Yang shuddered at The Moustache's casual sentencing of the absent shipman. It continued, "Put it in the Lazarette, would you? I'll level us out for now."

Tadija wisely bowed before The Moustache's whims. "Aye aye Captain."

The crewman reached down grab the box Yang was hiding in, and she carefully held her breath. "Whoof, I can see why the lazy fucker decided to slack, they made the damn things twice as heavy as usual. " He muttered, carrying her box out of the room.

An awkward shuffling voyage later, Yang found herself squished hard against a wall. **This dude is nowhere near attractive enough to be shoving me against walls** , She internally grumbled.

After a bid of off balance shuffling, she heard Tadija grumble, "For fuck's sake!"

Another short voyage and she was shoved against another wall. "Hey Captain, The Lazarette's full, I'm going to take it down to Three Seventy Five A."

There was a grunt, and The Moustache's terrifying voice emerged, "That's fine, but be quick about it."

Yang was lifted again, and a long queasy, shifting journey full of frequent stops to readjust began. Occasionally, they would pause, amd Tadija would engage in a short conversation, sometimes stern and ordering, sometime sickly sweet, quickly followed by cursing. Finally, Yang was crushed against another wall, then heaved high onto Tadija's shoulder. She could tell, because he got her straight in the box.

 **Ohfuckballs... that... really hurt...** Manfully forcing down a whimper, Yang carefully wiped the tears from her eyes. Unfortunately, that meant she was off balance for when the box was shoved hard forward. **Myeurgle!**

While Yang attempted to untangle herself and pull her knee out of her nose, she heard a loud thud and everything went dark.

 **Oh god... I've died and gone to hell... Ruby has finally killed me...** She whimpered and pushed at the box, attempting to escape. But no matter how hard she pushed and shoved, there wasn't enough room to exit the box. **WRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!**

FISSION MAILED

_:(-:c_:C-D:_

"-a perfectly healthy, sane and middle-class male yet last month you ran a straight razor across your wrist. You're wrist. You are wrists. Writs. Warts... Did you cut yourself because you truly wanted to die or did you just want some attention? Tonight, you'll show me. Show me the juice! You can't handle the juithe! Juith Paul! Give me the juithe Paul! The irony is that if you want to die you just have to stay where you are, but if you want to live, you'll have to cut yourself again. Find the path through the razor-wire to the door but hurry. At 3:00 that door will lock and then, this room becomes your tomb. Tomb, Boom, Womb. One of theeese things is nooot like the ooootheeeerssssss... How much blood will you shed to stay alive? Ahh, Ahh, Ahh, Ahh stayin ALIIIIIIIIIYIIIIYIIIIYIIIIIIVUUUUUH-"

Abruptly, the light snapped on, and Yang's weak attempt to escape actually moved The Box of Despair(tm).

"THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES, BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!" Yang screeched, throwing herself bodily out of The Box and into the light. Her landing was thankfully soft as she threw shredded cardboard everywhere. Without a second thought she bolted down the hallway onto the observation deck.

_ ￣(＞。 )_

Blake lay on the floor where the... thing had fallen on her. She was fairly sure it was a person, but between the flashing lights, pain, and cardboard, she couldn't actually be sure. Pulling herself to her feet, she brushed the cardboard shreds off her dress and paused.

"You've got to be kidding me..."

There was a shoeprint right in the center of her chest, surrounded by glitter.

-(ノ｀m´)ノ ~┻━┻ (/o＼)-

Special thanks to The Sage of Toads here on FF for introducing me to the WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY meme in his fic The Key to a Successful Interview.

KK, cya next time ~3


End file.
